Sometimes I just wish I was rich. That way I can afford to break my TV (which as if on cue, is playing on MTV all the songs we used to love) not go to work, and fly 5000 miles to salvage my relationship with the love of my life. It never gets any easier..no matter how many times you've gone through it or heard it. I can now safely say that today has been the absolute worst day of my life. *Warning* for those of you following this particular blog, things are gonna get sad and depressing very very soon..

Face it. No amount of optimism is going to disguise the fact that 5000 miles, a hectic (read:mad) schedule and loving each other too much do NOT help a relationship. I had to make one of the most difficult decisions in my young life today: I had to choose between maintaning a long distance relationship that was proving to be hell on my girlfriend, and letting her go and setting ourselves on our separate ways. All this happened a few minutes ago. So much for bathing... Anyway, before anyone (if any) gets the wrong idea, let me just fill the blog and you all with the details. Hell, for a guy, this is gonna be as close to "Dear Diary" I'm ever gonna get.

It never gets easier. For two years, I was living a dream. The perfect dream, in fact. I had a good job going for me, great study options (Ph.D!!) and most wonderful of all, a brilliant, beautiful and sexy woman by my side. Not a bad deal at all, by any means. We had our share of problems, every couple does! But somehow, through some of the most trying times in our lives, this precious, petite princess was always there with me. I could go on and on, listing every little memory and attribute that made her, and ultimately us, special. But this post is not about that. Or the fact that for a couple that met on the IRC (that's Internet Relay Chat for you kids), we stuck together for more than 2 years..that's a long time by MY standards. Rather, this post is about...oh fuck it.

Sorry about that, folks. This post is ultimately about the fact that I can't believe I lost (or am losing, according to my optimistic side) the one person who single-handedly made me into the man I am today. Most of the people who read this blog won't know..but the Ash of almost 3 years ago was waaayyy different than the person currently holding in his tears and typing on his PC. The only reason why I have never proposed is we both believed in making a good life for ourselves and our family..yup, the subject of marriage DID come up, and we were hoping that one day, fate would steer us that particular way. But we also knew, that one day, she would be leaving to pursue her studies overseas, and that would be the ultimate test. For those of you who have yet to go through this, let me assure you that it needs a huge amount of trust, equal parts love, and a few parts pain. And even then...well look what happened to me.

I don't blame her. After nearly 3 years..you find that you know each other well enough not to apply blame without proof. We both knew that the day was coming when I might have to let her go..and we both dreaded it. The last week before she left..well..that was like the most terrifying week I have ever been through. I know many of you will think I'm some New-Age wuss..well so be it. Truth is, I still love her..and I don't know if it's humanly possible to stop. How DO you get over the most wonderful thing that's ever happened in your life? Damn..this post is getting to be too long..

Signing off now. Princess, if you're reading this, I love you. Do take care, kay? For those of you already in a relationship..NEVER, EVER take it for granted. You will never know what you've got..until it's gone and you're left holding your head in your hands.

Peace, y'all.