It's Been a Hard Day's Night

It's 11 pm, and the Ox is tired. Finally made my way home and arrived just after 9.30, sticky, hot and hungry. McDs again, today. I guess I just didn't have the strength to choose, deliberate. Tomorrow's the Postgrad Seminar, and all the team's efforts for the past few months will be judged by what happens in that short space of less than a day. I'm too tired to be scared or nervous, and can't wait to just get it over with, and then move on to Thursday. Oh, if only it was so easy. I'll be MC-ing tomorrow, and as usual, I'll put on my most confident, slightly mischevious face and make it seem so, so easy. Because it is. All you need to do is look at a spot 6 inches over their heads and they'll think you're talking straight to them.

Times like this, when I'm tired and stressed out from an over-long day, I miss her the most. Meesh's talked about something like this in her blog, about how wanting to give and receive love being an inherent part of being human, and in my half dazed state I remember commenting twice on how much I agreed. Yes, I think I did. I'd like to think I'm over it now, that I've gone and moved on, that I can finally say Ash has definitely moved on.

But you know what? I don't think I have, yet. As much as I know it's not good for me, I still get jealous. Jealous..and sad, thinking of how much of her life I've missed these past few months. The studying, stress, exams, partying, flirting. And also how much of her life I'm going to continue to miss, especially the part she now shares with someone else. I fear that if I do see her again, I won't know her anymore, cause I've missed out too much. But I guess life is like that. I HAVE moved on, in a way, that I don't obsess, and I don't feel insane bouts of jealousy everytime she mentions his name, or the things she does.

I miss the past. But I also know I have the future to take care of. And a moping, hurt-puppy Ash won't be good for the future. That needs an Ash who knows what he wants, and is prepared to go and get it.

(Sigh)

This will probably be my final proper post for the week. Tomorrow's gonna be hectic, and so will Thursday onwards. I'll try and update things on my phlog, so feel free to come by and check, as I share my experiences in Langkawi real time (or almost real time). Good night, people, be safe, and God bless.