Wednesdays And Weddings

Thought of the day: I've always wondered why Wednesdays is pronounced the way it is, and not Wed-Nes-Days. Silly Ox.

As my birthday draws closer, I can see my thoughts getting somewhat morbid (again!!) and expect long posts like this as I ride the emo wave. Gah.

It seems almost everyone I know is getting married these days (and no this isn't a rant against marriage or anything like that). After dinner with IZ and J (and their respective partners) at their parents' house in Kelana, I couldn't help but overhear IZ and her fiance discuss their impending wedding arrangements with IZ's mother. For some reason it even overrode CSI in the background (and I was trying so hard to concentrate).

Checking my calendar when I got back I realised that starting from July onwards, there'll be a wedding of sorts almost every other week, culminating with IZ's nuptials (which I'm sure will involve elephants, marching bands and the like) at the end of the year. Hell, I'm supposed to go to Kelantan sometime in September to attend an old friend's wedding, and I have a feeling I'm going to fly up, the reason being that everyone else who's going is bringing along their respective partners/fiances/girlfriends, and an 8 hour trip surrounded by people who'll politely/not so politely but insistently ask me what the hell happened to me does NOT sound pleasant. My plan entails flying in and zipping out right after the first course, and I'm almost sure I can pull it off...

It's somewhat amazing that in the past year, only ONE married person I know has NOT put the question to me in that brusque manner Smug Marrieds (or Almost Smug Marrieds) always use, and that person happens to be my long lost classmate Azrol. Thank God for small favours, is all I can say.

Anyway, it hit me just now how my little bubble of single "happiness" will devolve and probably burst in the next few months. With IZ getting married and her brother J following not long after, my core group of karaoke fiends, eating buddies and general hanging out friends will dissolve, like it or not. I've noticed how they try and include me in the things they do, and I always feel grateful that they never rub the fact that I lack a "partnering unit" in. There's a little trip to Singapore coming up soon, and after that, snorkelling in Redang, and I'm really excited. But you know what they say, two's a company, three's a crowd, and five can't be any good at all. I hate being extra luggage, and if that seems the case I'd rather not go at all and make it easier on myself (which reminds me, I may need an escort if I'm to attend IZ's wedding. The thought of going it alone scares me shitless.. Anyone keen? I'm relatively clean, I don't smell and sometimes I'm even good conversation!) God, I'm desperate.

At this moment in time of course, there are my bosom blogger buddies, and the rest of the people I've made friends with in the past year and a half. I'm thankful for them too, and I guess I've just got to accept the fact that nothing lasts forever, that my friends will eventually have to make a decision regarding their adult lives, and unfortunately so will I.

All this brings me to the thought that while it IS tempting to just find someone to be with, simply because I'm "alone", I can't. Not right now, and not in the foreseeable future. For one thing, I have no idea if I'm even in the right frame of mind for a relationship (never mind I don't even have a candidate) and secondly, I'm in a nowhere job doing nowhere things, with no job security, feeling like something's still missing from everything.

So what does one do? The only thing one CAN do, which is live. And see where MY path takes me. Maybe I'll end up alone in my apartment, and die surrounded by my home theatre unit, game consoles and be chewed by my pet cat. Maybe I'll get lucky and hit it off with an amazing woman who'll show up out of the blue tomorrow. Or maybe none of this will happen, and I'll end up living a somewhat dull but secure life. Whichever it may be, best thing I can do is make sure I go with a bang.