Job Update, And Missing The Ex

Just so you all know: my appeal for the post of full lecturership has been denied by the university. This piece of wonderful news was given to me by my dean late this afternoon. Since I'd already seen it coming, it doesn't really matter, I guess. It just means that I'm finally going to have to do something about my life, and it starts with leaving this job as soon as I can get something else, or better yet a scholarship for a PhD. The dean did try and say he'd appeal it again, but to me why delay the inevitable? It's obvious the university thinks it can dispense with us, so unfortunately there is nothing else to do but take myself somewhere I can actually be appreciated. Sad, not for me but for the state of academia in Malaysia.

A friend in a similar situation also got a rude surprise: after applying for and getting a place in the UK he was informed that there would be no more scholarships to the Isles, and instead he has to find some other university in Australia or New Zealand. To make things worse if he doesn't leave by November, he has to quit. Finito. Incredible how these things can happen, we think, when the government seems so eager to recall our minds abroad. That's the truth for you.

This post was a couple of days in coming, actually. As I drove back from a friend's birthday do for a brief moment I reminisced about the times before my new-found (okay, it's been a year plus) Singleton status. There are those memories that stay with us even after the wounds have healed and time marches us on with our lives. In the still darkness of the quiet car, I remembered what it felt like to belong, and for the first time in months, missed her so much.

Like I said, it's been a couple days coming. I knew I was going into one of these introspective moods when during book-hunting a couple days back I automatically looked around for her after finding the Gaiman book (as I usually do). The same thing happened when I first read the opening passage and found it so funny I glanced to my left to show it to her only to realise that force of habit had taken its toll, and there was no one there.

Yes, sometimes I still do miss her, and the things we used to have. But then I realise that these days there is no more pain, just a sense of peace. Like her, I've moved on with my life, and even though I may not have found my particular place in the universe, the memories of the past 4 years remain as a source of strength and of joy, especially during those long, lonely night drives. Life was good...and it can still be, one day.

In case you're reading, kiddo: this is one of those things I still think about. But all's well, and maybe one day we'll all look back and laugh. Thank you, for the times, for the laughs, and for the memories.

Thank you.