Hey peeps. Again, the end of a long, hot Monday draws near. Have a ton of work to do, and am damn hungry. But the heat makes it just too hot to eat. Had a long conversation with her today, after nearly a week. The result: I still am no nearer to telling her how I really feel and what I want than I was when all this started.

Meetings and course contents to write..sometimes I wonder why I bother. Then I remember that someone has to pay the bills..and life goes on regardless of who you're with..or without. Something she said touched a nerve today. Do I really enjoy twisting the knife? Is it really as hard on her as it is on me? What is real and what's not? Where am I going? Is any of this making sense? I have no friggin idea. All I know is my work is the only escape I have. That, and making (or trying to make) money.

So where are we now? Here's a secret: in my mind, I envision the both of us as still in a relationship..albeit on a different level. She may not realise it, but in many ways I still think of both of us as a couple. Maybe it's all an illusion, and I'm just kidding myself. To her, I may just be the best friend who's always around..and the I love yous the same as the ones she tells her father or brother. Or maybe I'm just too stubborn, and won't give up until she's with someone. In any case, I still am a sad, sad person.

Oh heck. Time to go home now. Got a university course to teach.