Of Course, The Rabbit Hole Goes Deep

Ookay. So the writing course is over, and I am very very tired. I can't even find it in me to write proper blog entries anymore, and that's just bad :-(, so I guess there'll be no Weekly World Wednesday for this week, and until things get back to some normalcy around here, I think the same goes for every themed column. Damn, and I was just getting used to that. Hopefully though, I'll be in slightly better shape come Monday, when I'm back in the office, and life proceeds as normal, or whatever the hell passes for normal down in these parts.

It's been a crazy, crazy week. Non stop activity since last Tuesday, followed by surprises galore as I come back from Langkawi to more work, oh yes, sweet glorious, (sometimes) irritating, back-breaking work. And friends who suddenly become addicted to Akademi Fantasia (is there no hope for us all?), or hot little get togethers at Capsikum or Chili Padi or whatever the name is, or senior blogger friend who has landed from the UK, and another hot lil' thang flying off to the States (gonna miss ya, Rach).

Call me confused, Larry.

The Ox feels like he's in one of those weird dreams, the kind where you can't really tell the difference between being awake and sleeping. Or like Silent Hill 3. Or Session 9. The horror imagery floods my senses and all I see are images (scary, I wish they'd stop) and pictures in my head. White, long hair, screams, shaky camera angles. And always lost, always always lost.

Now I know I'm really tired.

I slept in the bedroom again, maybe for the 2nd time in the last 5 months. It's not too bad (it's never been bad) but I guess the only thing stopping me all this time was..me. And the memories. I don't know where the hell I'm going career wise, relationshipwise, lifewise. So many options, and I'm tired of choosing. But as always, the wheels turn, and life pulls you ahead. Sometimes it gets weird, till I feel like crying and laughing at the same time. Crying for the losses, and laughing at myself for being...confused. For being reduced to...ugh.

Get moving, you ox.
Move.

I wish I could, you know?
I wish normalcy would come back (but what is normalcy?)
I wish last week was normal so I could flow into this week, but no point in crying over spilt milk. Time doesn't wait. Death does.

It's time to move.
Lock X-Foils in attack position.
Cover me, I'm going in.