Darker Ox and The Smug Marrieds

Disclaimer: Sometime during this post, I'll let a part of myself called Darker Ash out for a bit. He hasn't been let out in awhile, so I'd advise those readers (if any) with weak stomachs to brace themselves. What he says, I have no control over.

Right. So first things first. My mum gave me a call early this afternoon, and she sounded panicky (which is getting to be a habit nowadays). Apparently she was worried about my dad, who now seems disinterested in everything except the political group he's in (which I shall not name). According to her, he's not reading anymore, not working properly and has no motivation to do anything but engage in what we shall call "the good work". Work's piling up, there's money troubles all of a sudden, and my mum's quite literally at her wits end.

So there I stood, trying to think of something to tell her that would make her feel better, and honestly I couldn't think of anything. I gently reminded her that I'd cautioned them about this early on, that the group of people who'll choose to surround my father will have their own agenda, and they'll take advantage of my father's trusting nature. As of this time I'm planning a trip back. I need to see what's going on, and if there's anything I can do about it. When things like these happen, I just wish I had some money to buy them a house and relocate them somewhere in Selangor, where we'll have relatives around, and my parents will have a chance to mingle with professionals, like they used to.

*sigh* That conversation DID achieve something however. My mum felt decidedly better, and we laughed as she asked me the golden question: "So when are you going to get married?" Thanks to my extensive practice in evading the question, we left it unanswered, and that was that.

Okay. Time for Darker Ash to come out now.

Later today as I was on the way to a meeting, the phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number, so I was slightly apprehensive when I picked it up. Turned out to be an old classmate from my secondary school days, asking how I was, that kind of thing. He's now living near my campus, and everything went fine until he suddenly asked me why the hell I wasn't married yet. I gave my stock answer, but apparently this bloke wasn't satisfied. He kept pushing me, and I was getting bloody irritated and was glad when I got to my meeting. He had this supercilious tone going all the while and I-

Oh, bloody fuck.

You know, I've had it up to here with you Smug Marrieds. I mean, I know not all of you're like that, but what the hell makes you think you have the right to judge me just because I'm still single? Granted, you have a wife to come home to (and if you're lucky, bang once or twice a month) but heck, is it a crime to be 26 and unmarried? I don't diss you for being docile and paunchy, so why diss me? Every week one of you buggers will call me and ask that stupid, stupid question. And you think in 7 days I'll have fallen in love and shown a ring to some girl who I'll knock up and then lose all interest in?

(This goes to all you Smug Marrieds out there who think it's a national sport to make fun of Singletons)

Look. I used to appreciate the "concern". Now it just pisses me off. I am unmarried mainly because of the following:

1) I have no one to marry. Kinda makes sense, doesn't it dumbkopf?
2) The way my life is going right now I can't even afford a roof over my head, let alone the responsibilities of a family.
3) I don't see myself settling down, yet.
4) Right now, I am in NO MOOD for a relationship.

I've come to realise that no matter how envious I sometimes get of other people in relationships, right now I can't imagine myself being in one! I know, the way God Almighty works is He'll make me fall head over heels the moment I step out after writing this entry, but for now, the idea of a relationship just makes my blood run cold. 2 years ago if you'd asked me I'll be all ready and willing. Right now, I have myself, and that's just dandy. The idea of having someone else so close, and being so vulnerable to that person just does not make sense anymore.

It's over. I'm tired, and I can't envision myself going through that whole gauntlet again. Maybe I'm scared, or cynical. Whatever the explanation, I'm quite happy to be by myself until I decide otherwise. True, it may be too late by then but at least I'll have no one to blame for my unhappiness but myself. So for all you Smug Marrieds who insist on taunting my Singlehood, bear this in mind:

I know your weaknesses, and you can bet someone out there knows how to get to them. Your husbands are only men, and they'll always have those little holes. There are always chinks in your so called "happy lives", just waiting for someone to jimmy open. Oh yeah. Everyone has those, don't they? Does your spouse look at you the same these days? Are your nights just 10 minutes long now? What about that look he gets when he sees that girl pass by? Don't you ever wonder what if you were with someone else? Is it really love, or are you together for the kids?

No one is immune, babies. You build em, someone else can wreck em. So live your bubbly TV sitcom lives, have sex once or twice a month and make sure to clothe and school the kids. Live, and let live, please.

**The above used to contain severe threats, but I've since taken them down. Here's a hint: replace the word "someone" with "I" and you'll get a picture of what I can do.

Oh yeah.