Old Men In Dank Cellars With Chastity Belts

I'm tired, cranky and I have several bajillion things to do. Folks, I'm going to rant. Expect some profanity and adult content. You have been warned.

A long day at work saw me arriving home, slumping onto the sofa and drifting into a dreamless half sleeping state (mistake number one) while waiting for the rain to stop so we could get dinner. The first thing I saw when I woke up was the trailer for Super Sapiens. Yup, you got that right. Super Fucking Sapiens. What in the hell convinces anyone that they have a right to change the title of any movie based on how many purgatory influences it has (for those of you out of the loop, Super Sapiens is Malaysia's own take on the movie adaptation of Mike Mignola's Hellboy)? What the hell is wrong with Hellboy? Does maintaining the title make us all hellbound? What's interesting is, most if not all of the Hellraiser movies made it with their titles intact, so did the seminal slasher sequel Friday the 13th: Jason Goes To Hell. I don't see any of them changed to weird sounding euphemistic claptrap.

I mean seriously folks, if a movie was titled Fuckwit: The Great Fucks of Jebediah Jones or Fuck Me Silly, Sam, then I wouldn't give a rat's arse if the robe and cowl wearing, underground cave dwelling censorship board decided to tone them down a little. But then again, do I expect anything less from the same people who gave Daredevil the boot (nevermind it wasn't such a gem, anyway)? Although the official excuse was that the film contained questionable violence, part of me still wonders if they thought by allowing it in, the hordes of unwashed moviegoers would proceed to become DareDevils or God forbid, Satanic cultists!

Sometimes I wonder, do Malaysians still need BM titles for every other movie that comes into our shores? I'm sure a lot of you out there have noticed the sometimes unbelievably stupid translations that get slapped on movie titles. Granted not all of us are proficient in English, but hey, can't we just enjoy Die Hard/Independence Day/Hellboy without them being turned into Mati Keras/Hari Kemerdekaan/Budak Neraka (although admittedly Budak Neraka does sound cool). And don't get me started on the snipping. Makes me want to tell these people they might as well forget the whole rating system if they're gonna butcher the fricking movie anyway. I mean what's the point in having them if everything still ends up the freaking same?

Times like these, I am thankful for the DVD pirates. Yes, they may be indulging in a criminal act, but think for a second. Without them we wouldn't be able to enjoy all those foreign films we can pick up without a second thought at our friendly neighbourhood vendor: Amelie, Trois Couleurs, Lone Wolf and Cub, countless Japanese anime, The Devil's Backbone, Run Lola Run, The Man on The Train..the list is endless. By severly limiting the scope of what we CAN watch, all the Censorship Board has managed to do is force us tighter and tighter under a new and improved "tempurung kelapa" (that's coconut shell for non Malay speakers). I have no idea where they're headed but if things continue this way, I won't be surprised if Yusof Haslam scores yet another hit with Sembilu XXIII: Noktah Cinta, or Kuliah Cinta 22: Taburan Noda. We reap what we sow. And right now, all we're sowing is ignorance and the inability to see beyond our own noses.

I admit, not all of these films are suitable for everyone. Gaspar Noe, David Cronenberg, Takashi Miike, Takeshi Kitano, Guillermo Del Toro. These are directors who have dared challenge the establishment, bringing about sometimes distasteful products. Like everything else in life, moderation is the key. When I watch these films, I filter them through what I've learnt in life, and what has been taught to me so far. Sometimes, there are lessons to be learnt, sometimes not. The conscious ability to separate the wheat from the chaff is an essential part of us being intelligent humans, something I fear the Board is so afraid of us being.

So there we have it. This is ONE reason why I'm so angry tonight. The other one has to do with life, but I've got a metric tonne of work that prevents me from bitching about it now. So until I manage to scrounge enough time to myself for a change, the Ox is off.

And still angry. Oh by the way, visit this site. I guarantee it's worth your while.