Boys And Girls

Something a friend wrote in a comment on yesterday's CSI post sparked something in my heat -blasted mind (is it just me or does the whole Klang Valley seem to be in a perpetual heat wave?). Do I really, as she says have the hots for primarily older women? Don't I, unlike my male brethren, like the thought of having a younger nubile thing have the hots for me? An intriguing question (which on its own perhaps doesn't even merit a blog post) but since it's bleeding hot and I have nothing else to write, I shall endeavour to dissect.

Thinking about it, it IS true. Since I was very young (you won't ask me HOW young if you want to keep your sanity intact) my various dalliances were always with older (even if it is by a year or so) girls. While not unusual, it somewhat bothered me that I could not get girls my age to even look at me, let alone talk (being part of the school nerd team did NOT help matters) to me during my school years. Of course, once I entered secondary school in that marvelously eye opening institution (heheh) where the girls were pretty, rich and dressed in wonderfully short skirts, I DID manage to get chummy with quite a few, which somewhat brought normality to my hormonally enraged life. However, the curse(??) once again reared its ugly head when my girlfriends at that stage of my life were all at least two years older. And I was what, 14? I have to state here that the students in my particular school were all somewhat horny most of the time. This being evident by the amount of partner swapping, tarzan-inspired acrobatic flips into the girls' dorm and random snogging that went on among the kids.

Coming from where I did, it was as good as being Hugh Hefner's pool boy on a rainy day.

I remember I WAS pretty close to the girls in my batch, probably since I was the most harmless of the lot, and they felt free to unload all kinds of stuff, personal, sexual or otherwise (safe to say here they were my unwitting sex-ed teachers, not counting the one when I was five...oops). In that sense, I was quite pleased with myself, being able to get close to the hot ones without being blown off and at the same time getting busy with the older, better "developed" girls (and I certainly didn't complain about the development, no sirreebob).

Ahh, the ignorance of youth. Now what was this post about again?

Good lord. I actually forgot for a while back there. Let's see...sex, women, Marg Helgenberger...ahh. Anyway, as time went by, the trend only continued. So much so I actually thought I was consciously looking for older women. And then, during the few relationships I had with younger girls I realised what I was looking for that the girls my age at the time didn't have:

That unspeakably sensual sense of self.

As I grew up and relationships got more complicated, I finally found that I used to be attracted to older girls simply because they tended to be more...mature (yes, yes the fact that they had bigger boobs also helped, but gimme a break here) and confident. Having said that, even in my current circle of friends I find I unconsciously move towards those who know what they want out of life, and who aren't afraid to get it (is it a coinkidink that some of these women were extremely sexy as well?)

So does this finally explain my fixation towards Marg Helgenberger? Perhaps. Strong women excite me (although not in that sleazy "ooh I like 'em feisty" way). Their ages don't really matter, they never did. It's that air of knowing they can get what they want WHEN they want that just melts me in my boots. Intelligence, charisma, the ability to bat around a hint until it turns into a promise which then leads to something actually being done...THAT is priceless. It all comes back to this little thing: if I can't bloody respect you as an equal, I can't envision myself actually BEING with you (even if you ARE shaggable as hell, and yes sometimes I am weak, so there's an exception to every rule). Does this mean that I'm turned off by girls my age or younger? Heavens, no. If she's legal, and all that then she's bloody fair game.

So I guess I know why I hang around the girls I do, and why it's bloody hard for me to settle for anything less than this ideal I've got in my head. Hell, I know it's gonna take a lot of compromise when I DO settle, but yeah, looking from where I am right now, there are a whole lotta options in that big blue sea.

OOooooh. Isn't that lovely?