Sojourn

Hello again, blog.

Seems like it's been awhile since I last wrote, although it's only been about two days. There's good news, though: I'm still alive. The days here seem to merge into a continuous blur as I move from task to task. I can safely say I'm relatively stable now, although preventing the constant reminders (of him) from getting to me does leave its toll.

*sigh*

To all my friends in, out and around the blogosphere, thank you so much for your kind comments and emails. Being out here, the loneliness seems amplified a thousandfold, and your messages are sometimes all that anchors me to the fragile state called Sanity.

Am I insane? Perhaps. But I know the hurt in my chest that threatened to kill me a few days ago has subsided into a dull ache, noticeably there, but subdued. I look out the window, and sometimes I see flashes of another life. There is an ethereal quality in the atmosphere here that somehow manages to seek out the darkest corners of despair you think you've chased away and bring it back up, bubbling and roiling to the surface.

There's a palpable bleak-ness in the air, and even though I think I've managed to chuck off the worst of it, sometimes, when the night's all quiet and the only sounds are the wind and my breathing, it stalks me. It's almost tangible the way it moves, and it always takes the same route night after night.

Sometimes I see it like a beast banging against the walls of my defences, and I know that it I ever give it an inch or a single opening, it would overwhelm me and carry me off. It scares me, this thing. Relentless, always pushing and pushing, with me on the other side, sometimes cowering, other times pushing back, but forever hoping that the doors hold.

It's easy to see what's wrong with me (you've had your heart broken, fool) and I know that I have to let it run its course. Bitter medicine, but maybe one day, I'll be able to heal myself fully.

Been a long enough entry. Take care, blog, and goodnight.

Song of the day: Someday, Nickelback.
Link to the lyrics here.