Revelations

I learnt a new thing today.

In an online conversation with a friend, I was suddenly reminded by the fact that what we think of as our particular preferences in life may not be so at all. They're not only the byproducts of our social and cultural upbringing, but of our genetic material as well! Free will? It's all well and good until you want to make the decisions that really matter, and then you're better off just sacrificing a goat or something, for all the good it will do you.

I am, of course referring to our choice in prospective partners (mates sound so Discovery Channel). As I've possibly mentioned before in this blog, I have a general predisposition towards women of the petite persuasion. Up till today I've always thought of it as being the result of several factors. 1) Possibly having more "compact-sized" exes throughout my early life (with the exception of one), 2) tall, statuesque beauties presented a formidable challenge throughout my development since they were always the "hot ones" and you know what that means to a geek, 3) as another online friend told me some time ago: "we short girls have to work extra hard to compete with our taller cousins.." the ones I've known usually are spunkier and more assertive and 4) hell they're just nicer to hug, especially since I'm no Moses Hightower myself.

So a whole gamut (yes I am using the word in this case) of emotions ran through my head when my friend today suggested that my preferences were in essence, simply Malay. For the 20 or so years I've been alive it's somehow escaped my notice that there is a racial stereotype insidiously at work, pegging and generalising our reasons to like who we do into a nice tidy package. In my case, apparently Malay men dig petite girls big time, so much so we develop words like genit and cilik (among others) to try and capture the essence of the characteristic. If this is then the case, I am simply acting on some piece of genetic code buried deep in me that dictates the type of women I will like. No offense to you tall women out there, seriously. I don't dislike you. As some people who know me will attest, I happen to like all women. A lot. It just so happens that though my eyes sometimes follow the attractive girl with the legs unto infinity, I also appreciate the other side of the spectrum.

Another thing that came to my notice was the immediate ramifications of the statement. Might there then be a correlation between whom we (as a race) choose as our partners with the amount of assertiveness and dominance we have, meaning is it true that a smaller partner increases our sense of self-worth and makes us (Malay men) simply feel better about ourselves? Are we so craving for any form of dominance that even this suffices? It is in this view that I suddenly view Edrei's previous post in a new light. The tendency of society to peg our preferences into broad racial strokes all but eliminates the sense of actually having a choice, and I'm sure it's not only the Malay men who get this. There will be stereotypes abundant for every other race out there. Tell me your stories.

I've gotten it before simply because I used to date a petite half-Chinese girl: "..itu memang lelaki Melayu.. suka yang macam itu.." when I have no idea what "macam itu" means. I know I shouldn't get riled up (and to my friend, please, this is not your fault. I guess I've been wanting to vent about this for so long) but I feel that it's an injustice for some members of society to want to generalise why other people do what they do without knowing anything about them, and also because I feel robbed of my choices. It's like one of those self-fulfilling prophecies the Greeks loved so much: unwittingly I play into the grand design because it's what all Malay men like.

So after this I guess there'll be some rethinking that needs to be done if I'm to escape being a me, too! case (I have a feeling this rant is actually about coming to terms with my Malayness?). At the end of the day though I am not particularly uber-proud to be a Malay, neither am I too ashamed of it. It is what I was born as with all the attached stigmas and strengths/weaknesses, and I don't rue it. I just would like to think I have some autonomy over my choices in life.

In the meantime you tall females out there will have a new admirer to the already swelled ranks. Not only are you more liable to be modeled into children's dolls or be drafted as flight attendants and models, but apparently liking you will also be one way of shrugging off racial stereotypes, at least in this sense.

Good night.