If there was ever a time I wished I was an android..this is one of them. Head's still spinning..and my mood hasn't improved much the whole day. Besides, being an android means not having to cope with difficult emotions. Now THAT would really improve productivity. One day left before I get drafted into the camp of doom. So many things I wish I could cram into these short hours..but these things take time...not to mention the flight to NZ would cost too much money and time..for now. Maybe it would help to disappear for awhile. I think I'm actually starting to wake up a bit..to the fact that there may not be anything at all for me here. I've forced myself to be an optimist throughout most of my young life..and it's worked so far. In light of recent developments (now I'm starting to sound like a newsreader) however, I must admit, the temptation to just give it all up and sink in is so powerful.

Yeah, we all want something out of life. Sometimes we want more than one thing. Specifics may differ, but it's usually in the vein of a good job, wealth and all its trappings, and if we're really lucky, that special someone who thinks we're worth a million bucks. Like Neo waking up from the Matrix or John Preston missing his Prozium dose, the edges of my vision get cloudy..and I think I'm seeing some things I know I don't like. Not liking them doesn't mean they'll go away, however. So there we have it. Life in general has now been declared...sucky!

On a lighter note..I have some more kittens!! My favourite tabby, Portobello..evidently got pregnant without me knowing. I've always thought she was just fat until I got home today and found her nursing 3 kittens!! So now I have 7 cats!! Well..not much for me to do now except play daddy to these fortunately healthy, miaowing fools. Well..they should help pass the time somewhat. Maybe they're the silver lining in the cloud that's been over me for weeks now. Feel like laughing and crying at the same time..but will probably cry anyway..tears come so easily now.

That's all for today...goodnight, world. Sleep tight, and God bless.