So How Much Is Enough?

I'm slightly pissed. I work in the IT faculty at a local university, and for the past four days we've had no internet access. Go figure. However, this is not today's story. Today's story is somewhat different.

A close colleague of mine asked me over lunch this afternoon (while we were finishing our drinks): How much money is enough? The answer that unconsciously leapt to my mouth was the standard "for us, there can never be enough." I stopped myself in time though, and only told him "enough is different to different people". That set me to thinking the rest of the day. I saw why he was asking me that particular question. He's one of the youngest children out of 9 siblings, and he's struggling to survive with his meager pay when other people his age are getting paid almost treble every month. In a sense, I know exactly how he feels, since I was in that same spot before, and it gets to you, too much sometimes.

Exactly how much money would be enough? I have colleagues who though they hold high posts in the hierarchy still have to scrimp and save for a family trip to Langkawi. Someone once told me that having three million dollars in the bank would be enough. Some other people I know spend their money like water, going on shopping sprees every other day and indulging in lunches/dinners at places I know would severely dent my bank balance. Others still have mysterious sugar mommies/daddies who indulge their every whim and fancy. And then there are those born into wealth, who I'd like to call the ones with "old money".

Unfortunately I belong to neither of the above. Like my colleague, I'm working my arse off just to stay afloat. The sad truth is academia in Malaysia is largely a reward-free job both financially and psychologically, which explains why so few ever actually apply. Even the ones who do sometimes do it for reasons other than a passion for teaching/research. They live near campus, lead simple lives and are generally content. Sometimes I wish I could be like them. Sometimes I think maybe they know how much is enough. As I thought about my friend's question, I felt that I needed to define when it would be enough for me.

Of course, I'm living in Subang halfway supporting my sister. That in itself drains a lot, what with the bills and surprise expenditures (my crazy car for one). So until I figure that out (or at least make more than I do right now) all I can do is rely on old fashioned discipline. I try to limit my jaunts to Coffee Bean/Starbucks to twice a month, I buy a new piece of clothing once a month, a new book that's NOT from Pay Less Books in Carrefour once a month..ONE good dinner every two weeks..you get the picture. I DO get envious of other people who don't have to be as frugal (and this happens more often than you think), and sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was the millionaire's son, royalty or born with a silver spoon between my Ox teeth. Often I'd stop and look at the people in the Golden Triangle or in my neighbourhood and for a short while wish I had just that little bit extra for that book, or that tantalising lunch at that restaurant.

But then I think again and I decide that if that were the case, I'd be a totally different person with totally different views and values. Maybe I won't feel as passionate about some things. I'd never know what it felt to ask the neigbours for some rice or flour, or do extra work for other students to save enough to augment my student loan. I don't know. Granted, we could always use more money, but I've accepted that we all have different lots in our lives, and it looks like this Ox has to end up being self made. Perhaps then, I'll get the answer to what constitutes enough in our lives.

And along the way, maybe I'll learn some more about where I'm going. Hmm.