Wedding Review, Or: How To Survive A Friend's Wedding, By Ash.Ox

Last night was a funny, funny thing. The friend I was supposed to go to the wedding arrived slightly late, resulting in both of us grimly fighting our way through what we thought would be unrelenting traffic on the way to Kelab Darul Ehsan. Fortunately, we arrived with time to spare, thanks to the KL-Ampang Elevated Expressway. As we made our way into the complex (shaking hands with God knows who) I took in my surroundings in a glance: the white clad girls (some of whom were very very pretty ;) ), the boys in baju melayu (obviously relatives of the groom) and other invitees, the men in their batik shirts and slacks and the women in the voluminous shawls/scarves/pashminas. Not knowing anyone but my companion, the groom and his bride (albeit slightly) I was a little uncomfortable, but as I am wont to do in this types of situations, I rushed for the nearest safe haven first: The loo.

In any case, the two minutes in there proved sufficient to calm my inexplicably nervous state. As we were escorted to the "bachelor friends" table, I could see that the guest list was a veritable who's who of academia. There were deans (including my own), professors, presidents of colleges etc, etc. Oh, and not to forget their wives. It took me awhile before I remembered that 1) my friend came from a very academic oriented family and 2) said friend's wife was chinese and half of the hall was filled with her relatives. Another mixed marriage, which I took to be a very good sign.

Dinner was catered by the in-house team (I think) and it being Tai Thong, I knew exactly what to expect (read: don't expect too much). 6 courses in all, served awkwardly by bumbling waiters who knew exactly when to spill what on who. If this has taught me one thing, it's to make sure I hire professionals (since I only DO plan to marry once, and might as well get it right). The groom's father (and the MC) made their attempts to address his daughter in law's family in Mandarin (which I found hilarious but excellent) and both not-so-newlyweds went out of the hall every half an hour to change into some different costume (more on this later).

Of course, before that there was the bersanding ceremony, with assorted relatives and datuks and professors going out front to bless the happy couple. Being naturally fair, the bride DID outshine her husband (which I taught was about right). That over, everyone proceeded to tuck in (trying not to get splashed, of course). One of the highlights of the whole night was when a friend of the groom suddenly leant over and asked me: "Don't you ever feel worried how yours is going to turn out whenever you go to one of these things?". I nearly didn't hear him (since I was busy eyeing a gaggle of good looking female members of family, dressed very nicely I might add) but I managed to take my busy eyes off to reply "It gets better with practice. After awhile, you get used to sitting at the bachelor table, and you just don't care."

Inevitably, questions of the "so when is it your turn" nature came along, and my companion and I (which was a guy, lol) managed to deflect them without too much hassle. It is my opinion that apparently the main cause for early marriages in Malaysia is having gone to too many weddings and asked the question too many times. Admittedly, it IS very tough for us Singletons, but practice makes perfect. Other highlights of the night included the many costume changes by the pengantin, including a horrendous colonial bow tie ensemble for the groom (which prompted a near simultaneous shudder from me and my companion).

Ah. Who said you can't learn anything from weddings? As the evening wore on, we were getting increasingly fidgety until finally we were released back into the wild. Thankful for the fresh air, my friend and I decided to hit Bintang Walk, where we sat there discussing the state of matrimony (and the world) until about three in the morning. As we were walking back to the car, we had to entertain several proposition of the "mau amoi ka?" variety. Tempted though I was, I decided being a Singleton was no excuse to get myself infected with some Godforsaken VD. Besides, I was broke.

Going home never felt so good. Gah. See you tomorrow, folks.