Somethings, They Just Happen

How would you compress two years of longing into 30 seconds?

I guess I might as well come out and say it.

I saw the Ex tonight. She came by to pick up some of her things she'd left from 2 years ago - the books, the gifts, the knicknacks, the boxes. As I write this, barely 20 minutes have passed since the last goodbye, and I can remember everything:

The way she looked, the way she walked up the stairs, her laugh, that gleam in her eyes when she sees a book she likes.

Everything. As we loaded the three odd boxes into her mother's MPV, it looked like the evening was about to pass without incident. As she drove me down to my car, she asked if I would take her for a spin in Nikita.

I did.

And as that two minute ride ended and I got ready to walk her to her car, we hugged - and all of a sudden the world fell apart. My vision blurred, I could feel my shoulder getting wet and her small form sobbing. At that one moment - I would have given anything to be able to have all that again - the old life, the one where I knew where everything fit, and where I was part of something bigger than myself.

But then, as it always happens, I realised the futility of it, and told her what I've been telling her since I first knew her that rainy day in '99:

That she was beautiful, and smart, and that I already forgave her.
And also - that she should live. For herself.

I don't think I can ever UNlove her, simply because she was an integral part of my life for so many years. However, I do know that my life has proceeded to where it is now in no small part because of what I went through with (and without) her. It's been a long road to recovery, and I still have a ways to go, and who knows? My Singleton days may be numbered yet.

So, kiddo, if you're reading this, you know I meant every word. Take care now, and God bless.

Good night.