Thursday, May 8

Hey people. A couple hours away from my interview and already my soles are sweaty. And my palms. Hopefully it's all going to end well..am quite nervous. Anyway, will not dwell on that since it'll only make me feel worse. Instead, let me tell you about my memory palace.

What is a memory palace? The proper history and definition is here. In my own terms, it's a mental construct which houses certain memories/images that I fear will be lost otherwise. It's nothing fancy, of course nowhere near the league of Cicero and Thomas Aquinas, but it works for me. What does it look like? For now, it's a house. And in every room, there are little bits of me..and the life I used to have. It's still under construction, and some parts are definitely unfinished. But I like it that way.. it's a labour of love..albeit in my head.

So what goes into this palace? As I said, memories. I realised the other day why it was (and still is) so difficult to let go. I was actually happy for those 2 years. It's easier to forget someone/thing when they've generally made your life hell. Unfortunately for me, that wasn't the case. So I decided rather than spend perhaps a whole lifetime trying to forget, I might as well collect everything, organise it, and store it someplace safe, where I can go once in awhile, lose myself..and come back. For now, there are lots of images in frames..still unhung. Little mementos, and thingamajigs..all representative of something else. I think I've even gotten smells down. I have a basket of oranges on the dining table..and as I walk through the construct, planning what else to build, I smell her favourite perfume. On the bed, I can sense the fragrance she used to bring to it. I already know what to put in the box that will go into my bureau: remember the image of me and her reading those letters? I've got a few others like that, although in different situations. One of my favourites is the one with the daughter. They're hopes, dreams, wishes. Call them what you will. And they go into the sanctum sanctorum. If my memory goes (as my family is prone to Alzheimer's) I hope the memory palace will be the last to go. I'll probably be there if it comes, reveling in the moments when life was, for me at least, heaven.

Have a good day, people.

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