The One Where Ash Has Raya Overseas

Another Saturday comes along, merrily speeding us on our way to the next week. Aidilfitri is coming soon, and I can only wish I could be celebrating it back home. Still, this year's Ramadhan will always be memorable at least for one thing: I found out that the human soul can take a lot and still go on, that love can be a wringer/gauntlet as well as a garden, and that we may never find the elusive "point" mankind has been looking for as long as I can remember.

What point, you ask? Well let me put it this way. How often have we asked ourselves this little question:

"What's the bloody point?"

Like the elusive Question to the Answer of the Universe (which is 42, by the way), why we sometimes do the things we do escapes the best and smartest of us. In a time where the more tangible something is the more it counts, we often find ourselves doing things that make no rational sense and with no rewards whatsoever (at least none that we can put up on our mantelpieces).

So why do we do it? When it comes to the affairs of the heart, our rational mind acts as if it's a no-man's land and straightaway throws itself out the window. Do we not learn from our past? I speak for myself when I say that yes, I think I've learnt some lessons but when the time (and opportunity) comes, I'm one of the first to jump into the fray again. Maybe (for some of us) we've forgotten to ask what may be one of the most politically incorrect questions there is: what's in it for me?

Perhaps it's because we always want what we perceive as the best for ourselves. We have an image of who we are in our minds, and actively seek something/one to complement that perception. When we fail to achieve that end, we wrestle with our familiar Stygian "friends" including self-doubt and self pity, among others.

Throughout this last couple weeks, I've been trying to put myself on "objective" mode. You know, all the better to make decisions with. Unfortunately, 'tis easier said than done. Some days are alright, whereas on other days I find myself landing slightly higher on the evolutionary scale than a mud puddle (and feeling like one, too).

Again we ask: so what's the point? Has this rambling entry actually shed any light at all on the matter? The truth, in my opinion at least is that we may never know what the point is, or if there ever was one in the first place. I've sometimes thought that we're all just bit players in a divine tragicomedy where the stage is as big as a planet, and there's never any help with the script, or proper role assignments, for that matter.

If that's the case, then Har-bloody-har.

Only a lucky few will ever be able to distinguish the "big picture". Until that particular luxury becomes more accessible, my guess is regular Joes and Janes like ourselves will have to do it the "hard" way: working our arses off and hoping that someone, somewhere will notice and tell us if we're actually doing any good or if we're better off trying to sell ice to the Eskimos.

By the way, I would appreciate just a teensy-weensy little nudge in the right direction, thank You.

Selamat Hari Raya, everyone, and maaf zahir batin. Have a good safe one, and God bless.

Song of the day: Creep, Radiohead (is this song for me or what?)