Monday, March 31 finally home. Left the office late cause had a discussion of sorts with a senior colleague. Always good to get some tips on what to expect in the next couple years. And another seems the newer batch of lecturers are not so bad as I thought. Maybe there's still hope after all. However, the slight warm fuzzy feeling I had was soon replaced by another more familiar one: irritation. It seems the few minutes I spent shooting the breeze enabled millions (well, dozens actually) of other drivers to clog up the roads and generally make the trip back slightly more stressful. Furiously factoring dropping by the photo store to the time spent getting home, I was quite distracted and quickly lapsed into auto-drive, which I'm sure commuters the world over recognise.

Got home in good time actually, and managed to drop off my negatives in time for them to be ready in an hour. My sister was cooking by the time I arrived, so quickly changed and started to look for my degree (which I thought I lost, somehow). Managed to squeeze in a quick chat with the girlfriend too (ain't life beautiful?) and had a load taken off my shoulders...also started to plan my trip over to her place. With any luck, Australia after that! Yay! Finished talking to her (Mondays are bad for her too, the poor girl) and resumed looking for my degree. After much hufffing and puffing, finally found it hiding behind the bookcase.

All in all, a slightly tiring but okay day. Feel much better..especially since Healing week is still on. Ahh...this will sound soo corny..but ain't love grand? Anticipate a good night's sleep after this. Peace, folks!


Grrr... I hate Monday mornings. I usually stumble into work, semi-coherent, and log onto all 10 of my favourite news sites, where I am flooded with wonderfully depressing news on how the world is slowly but surely going to heck. This takes the better part of an hour or two. Then, if there's no work to be done, I am presented with the painfully difficult decision of choosing to go to my usual geeky tech sites, video gaming sites OR ogle pictures of naked women. Thankfully, the third is NOT an option, as I am a fully grown-up and responsible adult. (Besides, the system admin might catch me and I'll REALLY be in trouble). Ah well..better proceed with the charade of work. And did I tell you I hate Monday mornings? Grr.



Sunday, March 30

My last post of the day. Better make it a short one. my headache's starting up again. These past few days have really been an emotional rollercoaster. But everything's worked out for the better, and for that I'm thankful. Just finished talking to my girlfriend again..and things are slowly starting to work out (Thank God for broadband access!). No point rushing though, am savoring every little minute of it. Am so lazy to iron my clothes for tomorrow...erk. Ah well..another week, another story..and another series of posts. Somehow, that feels certain. G'night people. Have a safe day/night ahead. See you in the next post!

Peace, y'all.


Hello again, netizens. As promised, here's my second update for the day. I practically raced home after the movie, slowing down only to observe road and traffic laws (very rare). Fortunately, my PC was on, since I was downloading security updates for Windows. As I expected, she'd already gone offline and was probably sleeping (figures, it was 2am her time!) There was nothing much for me to do except fall into bed as well and wait for morning.

Woke up extremely early..about 5.30 am. Tried to sleep again, but my 4 cats (yes! 4! ) decided to make me into their makeshift trampoline. That resulted in a very grumpy yours truly plopping himself in front of the PC and getting online. Got drowsy after awhile and fell asleep again until about 7.30 (thankfully, the cats tired of their catrobatics enough to enable me to sleep) when I decided I might as well try and see if my girlfriend was up yet. So I sent her an (a?) sms message and waited. Day One of Healing really took off..she was online! We talked for awhile..and things look good. Cautiously, I might even say things look very good. However, for those of you who think that now the blog is done..well think again! It'll still be here, and I'll still be churning out content, although the tone will be noticeably brighter, hopefully.

For now, life goes on one day at a time. Things happen, some of them good..others, not so good. But hey, I guess going through all of these things makes a person stronger..and in many ways wiser. Is there anything I would have done differently? Honestly, no. Looking back, I know I wouldn't change a single damn thing.

Take care, people..and God bless.


Hello again, blog-people. Start of a new tons of updates! Well not tons, actually..just a bit. Day Three of Uncertain Singlehood has now been officially changed to Day One of Healing. Yes folks, things are starting to get better. I think it's even showing in my writing! How did this amazing change come about? All in good read on.

Weather totally sucked yesterday. Managed to meet up with my friend, and then went to MegaMall to catch a movie. First time I was there in a month. I've realised this time and time never actually notice the people around you until you're alone. Suddenly, every other couple's laugh, hug, shared kiss, and handholding becomes amplified..and I realised that even being in the middle of the throng, I felt totally and completely alone. Yeah, my friend was there..but then, he's a guy..and so far, I've yet to meet a guy I can tell these things to without seeming like a total fag. That's what the blog is for. I actually went to all the places and shops we used to go..the bookstore (yeah, we both read! I don't know about you, but for me that's sexy as hell..) where I almost bought a CLEO before remembering that she wouldn't be at home to read it. Saw that ZARA was opening and actually made a mental note to tell her. Went for sushi and almost ordered an unagi set to share..Yep, old habits die really hard.

Anyway, my friend, the good guy that he was, thought I needed some cheering up and bought tickets to Hot Chick. Awesome movie. Not in a box office sense, but more of a silly, quick cheerer-upper (I don't think your English teacher knows that word). I think that helped a lot. All in all, would have been an okay end to an average day. But then, God sent one of those small miracles I usually take for granted. (Actually maxis did, but I'm not gonna anger the Big Guy. You rule!) An (A?) SMS message. From my girlfriend.

She was online, she missed me, and she wanted to talk. I nearly jumped out of my seat. Now imagine being in a cinema where the movie's at least half an hour from ending, and the person you thought you lost sent you a message like that. I have never wished for the ability to teleport home more than at that moment. However, since I exist, unfortunately, in a mostly realistic world (and I think my miracle quota for the day was full) I could only tell her I'd be home later. She sounded disappointed...and I held my breath. Then came the three words that pretty much turned the whole day around : I love you.

Yay! I think I'll put a cliffhanger here. Updates Promise!


Saturday, March 29

Hey people. Thought there was perhaps time for just a teensy weensy update before it rains. Been a very depressing day..even the weather's dark, with threats of rain and thunder on the horizon. Not even day Three..but miss my girlfriend (or is it ex now?) like mad. Called up an old buddy..looking forward to going out later today. Hopefully the activity will provide some respite. For the rest of the world, I wish you peace, safety and may whatever God you worship look after you. Ciao.


I really don't like working Saturdays. I'm stuck in the office now, pretending to work, when actually all I'm doing is updating my blog and surfing the web. And for this they make me drive 30km! Fools. Day Two now, and still uncertain. Topic of the day: My Ring.

I'm wearing a ring on a thong around my neck. Nothing fancy, just a plain silver band with the date I got it, and my girlfriend's name. She has one too, with my name. It was one of the last things we bought together before she left overseas. Now that the dust is starting to settle, and the future looms (uncertainly, again), I'm left wondering what I should do with it. Honestly, it's turned into my good luck charm. More than a few times this month I've found myself touching it unconsciously, especially when I'm stressed out. Makes me feel better, somehow. I guess that's what love does for you. Couldn't imagine not having it..I did an experiment, last night. Took it off for the first time in 2 months, right before I went to bed. Woke up this morning, panicky and clutching at my throat for a full half minute before I remembered I put it on my dresser. That's how attached I am to it, and to what it represented. Anyway, if things don't work out, I guess one day I WILL have to take it off, say goodbye and keep it in storage. Until that day comes, it'll be around my neck..a testament to my stubbornness and my faith in miracles..and in love.

More later. Peace, y'all.


Friday, March 28

Damn I suck at HTML! This is what I get for snoozing in web programming class. Am back again for the daily updates. Been a long day..but will get into that later. I'm still trying to figure out how this whole blogging thing works. Yeah, a big thanks to Webmonkey for all the help. Man I feel like the biggest newbie on the block.. DSL modem got busted just after last night's update. Figures. Count on my hardware to fail the moment my love life does. Called my ever helpful ISP, who insisted I was wrong and the modem was fine. This morning, took matters into my own hands and went to get my own modem, even though the ISP was supposed to replace it for free. Ordinarily I wouldn't mind, but since they usually take up to 2 months to even a simple thing like that..I figured, what the least I have a backup modem in case the ISP supplied one dies (been two times already, mind you). Bought a couple PS2 games, while at it. Clock Tower 3, Soul Calibur 2 (import), Amplitude..and Winning Eleven. I must be going mad. A soccer game? But I guess any kind of distraction will be good for these next few days..A PS2 session or two always helps chase the blues away for a while. God Bless the people at Sony!

*sigh* Day One of uncertain singlehood. Worried? Yes. Confused? You betcha. Sad? More than I could even explain. I guess it always gets you like a sucker punch to the gut, no matter how prepared you think you are. Miss her? Definitely. My plans of a quiet weekend dashed again by news I have to work tomorrow. On a Saturday! The fool who thought making Saturday a work day was a good idea should fry. In lard. Preferably at 500 degrees or more. Oh man...I really am just going to deflate the moment I get back from work. On a lighter note, watched Darkness Falls with my sister. (Yes, I live with my sister). Quite spooky, and had its fair share of thrills, although I couldn't quite believe they would resort to using the Spring-Loaded Cat. I might just post a review tomorrow.. or soon.

For those of you wondering how I can write long posts like this, the answer's contained in a fancy word: catharsis. Yes, you, go and apologise to your English teacher for not paying attention in class. For those of you who DO understand, (I'm taking a BIIIG leap of faith here), writing this helps. There's a void inside me right now, and somehow the flow of words helps patch it..for the time being. Getting late..should be sleeping now. Updates tomorrow.

Peace, y'all.


Thursday, March 27

Sometimes I just wish I was rich. That way I can afford to break my TV (which as if on cue, is playing on MTV all the songs we used to love) not go to work, and fly 5000 miles to salvage my relationship with the love of my life. It never gets any matter how many times you've gone through it or heard it. I can now safely say that today has been the absolute worst day of my life. *Warning* for those of you following this particular blog, things are gonna get sad and depressing very very soon..

Face it. No amount of optimism is going to disguise the fact that 5000 miles, a hectic (read:mad) schedule and loving each other too much do NOT help a relationship. I had to make one of the most difficult decisions in my young life today: I had to choose between maintaning a long distance relationship that was proving to be hell on my girlfriend, and letting her go and setting ourselves on our separate ways. All this happened a few minutes ago. So much for bathing... Anyway, before anyone (if any) gets the wrong idea, let me just fill the blog and you all with the details. Hell, for a guy, this is gonna be as close to "Dear Diary" I'm ever gonna get.

It never gets easier. For two years, I was living a dream. The perfect dream, in fact. I had a good job going for me, great study options (Ph.D!!) and most wonderful of all, a brilliant, beautiful and sexy woman by my side. Not a bad deal at all, by any means. We had our share of problems, every couple does! But somehow, through some of the most trying times in our lives, this precious, petite princess was always there with me. I could go on and on, listing every little memory and attribute that made her, and ultimately us, special. But this post is not about that. Or the fact that for a couple that met on the IRC (that's Internet Relay Chat for you kids), we stuck together for more than 2 years..that's a long time by MY standards. Rather, this post is about...oh fuck it.

Sorry about that, folks. This post is ultimately about the fact that I can't believe I lost (or am losing, according to my optimistic side) the one person who single-handedly made me into the man I am today. Most of the people who read this blog won't know..but the Ash of almost 3 years ago was waaayyy different than the person currently holding in his tears and typing on his PC. The only reason why I have never proposed is we both believed in making a good life for ourselves and our family..yup, the subject of marriage DID come up, and we were hoping that one day, fate would steer us that particular way. But we also knew, that one day, she would be leaving to pursue her studies overseas, and that would be the ultimate test. For those of you who have yet to go through this, let me assure you that it needs a huge amount of trust, equal parts love, and a few parts pain. And even then...well look what happened to me.

I don't blame her. After nearly 3 find that you know each other well enough not to apply blame without proof. We both knew that the day was coming when I might have to let her go..and we both dreaded it. The last week before she left..well..that was like the most terrifying week I have ever been through. I know many of you will think I'm some New-Age wuss..well so be it. Truth is, I still love her..and I don't know if it's humanly possible to stop. How DO you get over the most wonderful thing that's ever happened in your life? Damn..this post is getting to be too long..

Signing off now. Princess, if you're reading this, I love you. Do take care, kay? For those of you already in a relationship..NEVER, EVER take it for granted. You will never know what you've got..until it's gone and you're left holding your head in your hands.

Peace, y'all.


Erk. My first post and I have no idea whatsoever to write. Maybe it's a newbie thing. In any case, been meaning to start one of these things forever. Well, anyway, for those of you who've mistakenly (or by some weird chance, knowingly) come upon my blog, welcome. I can't promise I'll titillate and amuse you ;p, but at the very least, the few minutes you've spent here (or seconds, if you never got to this part and immediately pressed "back") might just give you some food for thought, or a laugh. Hey, anything works. Especially laughs (God knows they're in such short supply nowadays).

Still here? (Gotcha!) Then you might as well take some details as to who's stealing your precious time away from work, sports, study or whatever you do to pass the time. This blog belongs to a bloke whom we shall all refer to as Ash. On the internet, it helps if you have a short, easy to remember nickname/handle/whatever. I'll be posting bits, pieces, whosits and whatsits of my life here. Some of you may find these details interesting...others, well... Over the next few days/weeks/months/whenever I have the time I'll be updating this blog with the many strange and weird thoughts and happenings that I perceive in my 20-something year old noggin. Stay and keep up, if you like. Or browse through the gazillions of other blogs that so graciously provides. The power is all in your right(or left) hand. Yes, that's the one with the mouse, for any of you twisted enough to think I meant any other "tool".

Hm. Not bad for a first post, I think. Shall go and have a bath while I think of what to put in next time.