Thursday, May 29

Again, sporadic updates. I hate it...but these past few days have gone by so fast they're a positive blur. There's loads to be done, and still more to do afterwards. But I guess all of us have our own crosses to bear, so no point complaining. English camp ends tomorrow, I must say quite dissapointedly. Well, for one, it affords me the luxury of not going to the office, and two: I get to do something not so stressful for a change. All good things come to an end, I suppose..but it's been a good week. Now I can't wait to face the wonderful hellishness that is next week. Yum.

Tomorrow is the ultimate test: giving a full fledged lecture in English. They'll be taping the whole thing, and comments after that. I have no qualms about it, only that there's all sorts of know ..topic sentences and thesis statements. But like the good man I am, I shall persevere, and hopefully something good will come out of it..unlike some other unknowns in my life.

The night grows late, and I need some sleep. Almost had an accident today..fell asleep at the wheel. Yeah, I didn't know English could be that tiring too. Later, folks. As for the princess:

soyez bien, le petit. Je t'aime.


Wednesday, May 28

Sorry for the long pause, folks. English workshop has been..interesting to say the least. More technical than I expected, and quite honestly, nice and refreshing. Am now sitting at home waiting for the water supply (which has miraculously come back) to stabilise. Meeting other lecturers..seeing their response to the whole idea of teaching in English...draws out their inborn preferences (and in some, prejudices as well). But I won't name names. Wouldn't be half as fun now wouldn't it? I guess the old stereotype is still true: English teachers are still the coolest. There's one very nice looking instructor as well, although I'd guess her to be at least 30. Single though, so we shall see if yours truly can be a man and try his luck. to dinner. Mandi also. I desperately need a bath..urg. Tomorrow, people.


Monday, May 26

Hey people. Another Monday, and this time am determined not to get too stressed. Have a ton of work to do..but I had a good I suppose am not too badly off. The good thing though is that I don't have to go to the office starting tomorrow..since I have an English workshop to go to. The bad thing is, however that I'll be leaving loads of unfinished stuff that I'll have to finish ASAP...urgh.

Oh well, no sense getting my BP up again. Might as well grit my teeth and get back to work..starting today.

Updates later (or when I'm bored and lazy).


Friday, May 23

Just got back from the doc. Seems my blood pressure's a little elevated. May be the cause behind my headaches and general blehness. Asked my dad, and he said stress can also spike the BP. Anyway, am not taking any chances. Looks like a complete revamp is in order: less salt, oil, fat, short, anything that tastes good. Subway diet, here I come.

In any case, I'm long overdue for a diet anyway. This body needs some healthening up. Later, folks.


Thursday, May 22

Finally home. I really don't feel so good. What a time to get an attack of the blues. Definitely need to see the doc and soon..before I lose my whole weekend. What a way to go, huh? For some reason I think I should be feeling something..anything. But I'm not. Damn..the story in my head's making havoc again. It wants to be written..but I don't think I have the strength, not now. Maybe later tonight I can put in a semblance of a real blog update.

Later, folks.


Am definitely not feeling well. Didn't get proper rest last night..was disturbed by very bad dreams..woke up feeling more lethargic than ever. And the head feels like it's gonna burst. Don't know if there'll be a proper update today, folks. Hopefully there will..for now..need to finish up some work.



Wednesday, May 21

Interrupt in the short story for awhile. Here's a secret: I don't even know how it's going to end. One moment I'm posting a regular update..the next, I'm 3 paragraphs down into a story that somehow stole my mind, and my fingers. This story I'm somehow feels like it has a life of its own. Did I tell you I didn't want to write it in the first place? It's like it's been kept in my head for too long, and once it's gotten a whiff of what's outside, it wants more. I think I can also say I'm a little scared of it. Scared because I don't know where it's going, and also because I have no idea if I have any control over it.

Now I'm wondering what it is now. Is it a story in a blog? A blog that evolved into a story? Or am I a character in a story in someone else's blog? Sounds insane? Most probably cause certain days, I think I am slipping into madness. It's not easy being in a..triangle of sorts. Yeah..a triangle. I'm pining for someone who in turn is hoping for someone else to make up his mind. Convoluted? I am definitely not surprised. How long can I last? How long can anyone last? I have absolutely no idea.

Ugh. I need some sleep. Tomorrow, folks. Maybe the story continues. Maybe the blog does. Maybe I do.

"The best intentions are fraught with disappointments."
"No. Grissom."

Gil Grissom (William Petersen), CSI to Sara Sidle


My story..continued.

The years went by, I got relocated. Ended up doing grunt work for the company's new Asian wing. Nothing too challenging..building databases, network security. Still, it paid the bills. Last I heard, Gates had been inducted into the super secret top level of ComDyn. Good for him. I heard that you usually had to pawn your soul (and other things) just to get noticed. Me? I was too much of a loner, and my code rating was just above average. Better than your average graduate, but still not good enough to join the top brass. Since I didn't have much of a life, I went back to the chatrooms. I prefered the text-based channels, for some reason. 3D was a moot thing back then, since every pimply-faced 12 year old could afford to have a state of the art number cruncher in his bedroom building disguising his puny little self with muscles, a big penis, the like. For me? Naah. VR was a bit too..virtual. I vaguely remember courting (or trying to court) girls during my teens. Awkward, lumbering, the school klutz. Didn't get me many dates..but I figured I didn't really miss anything. The text channels..that's another story. You could find all manner of people online. Some veterans from the BBS days, pedophiles trying to make one last score before the feds and Interpol caught them, weird-ass drug dealers...or simply other people, hoping to make a real connection in an otherwise over connected world.

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. I returned to the chats like a thirsty camel to an oasis. Every night, after work, with the consistent hum of my server droning in the background, I scoured the channels. Whatever life I didn't have offline, I got back in spades online. I didn't really set out to get laid or anything (although I never shied away from a life in computers didn't manage to snuff out that part of my humanity) but for was good. I felt almost..normal. Little black words on a screen. Binary bits and bytes. All of that suddenly meant more to me than all the human interaction I'd ever had in my short life. Who cares if the person on the other side was a dog or a 50 year old pervert? There's never any certainty in real life, so why should there be any online? Encounters came and went. Some I even met face to face. Others I slept with. Everyone knew a relationship based on ones and zeros couldn't get far. No one expected anything more..and after awhile, I joined them. How little I knew.

Part three soon, people.


Tuesday, May 20

Something new. A short story. Catharsis?

Love is the only force in the world that can make one man fly, while at the same time bring another to his knees. How true, I thought as I read that particular quote someone left in a random corner of the web. And as always, it is wasted on those who know not its worth..or its terrible price, continued the unknown author. Yet another footnote in the vast graffiti strewn land that is cyberspace. Grim though. Definitely unlike the billions of sappy love quotes available online. Or maybe I have a peculiar affinity for it, since this quote at least, does not promise a happy ending. Happy endings...a weak smile disturbs my face. How long has it been since I last entertained the thought that they exist outside of movies with Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan or Steve Martin and whimsical novels written by blonde writers with names like Kinsella or Fielding?

My fingers dance across the keyboards, searching, always searching. The kind of work I do, it costs me valuable time and money should my fingers not dance. The web is a wild, wild place, full of surprises, unreachable sites, dropped packets, someone's gambling debts, surfing habits, untold mountains of personal information. And it's my job to hunt down these stray bits and bytes..tag them, process them and return them to their rightful owners. Or destroy them. I'm a hunter of sorts. Only instead of a forest, I hunt in the vast reaches of cyberspace. It's a solitary job, since the stakes are high, and no-one trusts anyone anymore. That's another thing that's at a premium right now. Trust. Made the mistake of letting my guard down, trusting..just once. But usually, once is enough, and not everyone is able to come back. Didn't always use to be like this, though. Once upon a time, things were..simpler.

I started in the early 90s. The net was hardly news then, except for a handful of research scientists and geeks. Way back then, you're lucky if you had a consistent 14.4k dialup connection. My dad was into the whole computer thing. Got one when I was 10. I was on the chat channels, fingers moving like spiders, typing, typing. I discovered amateur hacking after that. Phreaking, cracking, the works. Didn't really catch my attention, though. The net was too full of kids trying to show off. School came and went, then college. I did pretty well, I guess. Nothing too attention grabbing. I was never in trouble though. Always made sure of that. This was during the whole Net boom of 2000. Yup, many companies made it or and broke it those few months. I lucked out, caught a ride with a little known dotcom that soon blossomed into ComDyn. They own pretty much everything nowadays, from airlines to software houses. 9 out of 10 PCs manufactured come with DyNaMOS. Crazy name for an OS, I know. But they got this really talented kid called Gates. Slightly autistic, so he never found out how badly they screwed him. I heard some old timers say he used to bug the librarian to allow him to put back books every fuckin summer. Never had the pleasure of meeting him though. We coders used to make up all sorts of weird stories about him..looking back, I know he didn't know what he was capable of. But still, time distorts the further away you move.

End of Part one. Part two coming soon.


Busy day busy day. Or in other terms, SSDD: Same Shit, Different Day. We all go through our daily grinds, looking forward to the escape we get when we get home. It may be as simple as a friendly face, a kiss, or a shared quiet moment during dinner. Hell, it can even be getting home itself. I just realised I'm 25 now..and in many respects I still don't have an idea in hell what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

Yeah, I got a job. A career, even. Sometimes I even think I make a goddamn difference. But do I? Or am I but I'm not realising it? Maybe I'm just too preoccupied with myself that I miss out on stuff. I know that happens sometimes. Or maybe it's that nagging feeling of unfulfilment that tugs at me..and makes me wear myself out so I can stumble home, tired and in a warped way looking forward to another day of the same.

Ultimately, I think it's all down to one thing: I'm lonely. Very fucking lonely. Yup, got my friends, and a slightly better social life..but somehow something's lacking. I know I've been through this in earlier posts..but sometimes it hits you today. Being unattached has its perks, I guess..but every once in awhile I find myself yearning..and it all goes downhill from there. Oh well..time to clock out. Another day tomorrow.

Later, folks.


Dreamt of her again last night. No specifics this time though. About the only thing I can remember is that is was vaguely..good. So which is it now? Love? Obsession? Both? Or is my brain just playing along with some wish-fulfillment fantasies? In any case, it's not really a cause for least not yet. Reading through some reference books today..there's a syllabus to draft.

Later, people.


Hey again, people. Another blazing, scorching day in my life..and as of now..all I want is a good long cold shower. Unfortunately, not this week. At least not in my apartment. What do I do? Spend my time absorbing more of the phenomenon known as the Matrix. The sequel's out, and everyone's raving about it. I'll probably wait till the end of the week or so..let the fever die down a I can absorb the wonderful pseudo philosophy and uber geek dream that is Reloaded and later this year, Revolutions. Yup. Uber geek. I think I qualify, since as the Star said in its review that it's essentially a movie for all the movie, comic/manga, anime and science fiction/conspiracy theory fans out there. Oh, and computer and video games too. Which is cool.

Also went to the website: where there were online comics and short stories based on the world of the Matrix. The short story has always been one of my favourite mediums, and seeing the likes of Neil Gaiman, Poppy Z Brite and Harlan Ellison among others in the contributor list made me literally drool. Hell. I'd buy anything with Gaiman's name on it. He's that good. You're still here? Get to the website..and prepare for a very fast hour or so. Also in my collection is now the Animatrix: 9 short anime features by the Gods of anime..and the Wachowski brothers. It even comes with a sweet documentary on the history of manga and anime. Well worth the money, I'd say.

Enough geek ranting for the day, I think. Time to get to sleep..since it's technically already Tuesday. And did I mention I also bought the game for my PS2? It rocks. For me, at least.

More tomorrow, folks. This particular wookie needs some rest. Don't know what a wookie is? It's like a bear, only with a pit bull for a soul and tenacious as hell, not to mention extremely huggable (been awhile since this wookie's been hugged, though). A dying breed..but I guess it's nice knowing that there are some things I do better than others. Night!


Monday, May 19

Hey again people. Managed to sneak into the office for a little while before I have to go to the seminar thing. Good thing I woke up early. Now my apartment is officially without water...that's a very very scary thought. This phenomenon will continue till the 26th..which means one full week of drought. I just hope all the water I've been hoarding will be enough..

In other news, my new diet starts today. Am very displeased with the current state of my body (including my head). Still have horrific memories of what I looked like in the Tioman pics. That means...more control over my eating habits...and also more exercise. Damn. Oh well..I guess it's necessary..if I want to look even remotely vaguely attractive to the opposite sex. Fat does not bode well for me (although with all the fat blokes carrying around exquisitely sexy babes in Tioman, am starting to think differently..but then again, they have oodles of money..which I don't).

Weather looks like it's gonna be a scorcher again...which doesn't surprise me a bit. Now the only thing left to find out is what some people's reactions are gonna be after seeing me in Tioman in a very...different mode. As for me..I don't give a damn. Time someone shook some foundations around here..and it might as well be me.

Have to rush. Later, netizens.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.

Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

P. J. O'Rourke


Sunday, May 18 blog. After nearly a week long hiatus, I am once again here, somewhat refreshed and ready to enlighten my audience of one on the current state of affairs in my (too-big) head. It's been a whirlwind of a week..and I can't believe that these last five days have gone by so quickly. As always, time flies when you're having fun...and I had loads of it in Tioman, with a notable exception, of course. But that shall be another story.

Where will I start? At the beginning? I have no idea where or even how to begin. All I remember is 3 days of bliss..for the first time in a long while not worrying about work, cats or money..existing only to do what I want..when I want. The fact that tomorrow brings a whole new world of pain does not register for now..the seminar can go to rot for all I care. Am still very much in a holiday mood..which I know will be completely destroyed come tomorrow morning.

As Sunday night draws to a close, I find myself going back to the memory palace, bringing in new materials while rearranging some of the old. There were plenty of treasured memories this week..and I know if I had my way, there would have been more. Again, I'm confused where to start. Too many thoughts, too many stories to tell. Do I start with how envious I was of Rosalia and Johan as they held hands, hugged, kissed, rode in the freaky tandem bike? Or do I instead tell of how my dreams every single night centred around a single person? How about the scary feeling I had in my stomach as I stood on the floating platform in the middle of the sea, prepping myself to join the snorkeling group? Only the memory of how proud she was of me back in Bali gave me the strength to dive into those clear green waters. That and so much more..I fear may be too much for these poor fingers of mine to type in a single sitting. Oh well...maybe in good time, I'll have the time and the strength to put it all down..that one day I can remember. Until then, good night, be well..and God bless, world.

It's good to be back.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Steve Martin (1945 - )


Monday, May 12

Monday morning! And for once, am not stressed out! This is mainly due to the fact that 1)I had a good pre-weekend, 2)I had a good weekend, and 3)My birthday's just around the corner..and it's on my favourite day of the week, too! Wednesday! By tomorrow evening, will be at Johan's sleeping over..since we're leaving for Tioman early..about 5 am. Looks to be quite an adventure..and you can expect me to wear my brand spanking new pendant all the way. And oh, the GBA can wait. After extensive examination of my financial situation, I figure it'll always be there.

In other news, have a ton of paperwork to sift through..but as always, when my birthday's near..I don't really mind. Even when I don't get presents, I just like to bask in the sense of another year gone by..and another trove of memories. It's a special day for me, not only in the traditional sense..but also since I can look at myself, and see how far I've gone...and how far I still have to go. You know what would make it perfect? Someone to share the moment with me. I think that's the part I miss the most: having someone you love with you as you celebrate the day you were born. I think, in the end, that would make my birthday..and my life, complete.

Maybe someday..

Girls flirt with the bad guys, Logan. We don't take them home. We marry the good guys..
Jean Grey (Famke Jenssen) to Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), X-Men 2

I hope that's true. Bye for now, people.


Sunday, May 11

Hmm. Sunday afternoon..and lazy. Just got back from a trip back home to my parents. Yesterday was my brother's birthday and today being Mother's day I thought a short jaunt back was in order. Sorry about the lack of updates so far, folks. A lot of things happened this I think maybe I'll start with Friday.

After work, I hurried home to find a card in my mailbox. From NZ. I rushed up, opened it and found my birthday present from her, enclosed with some pictures we took a long time ago. As I read the card and leafed through the photos, my eyes got blurry and I cried. Silly ol me. I was sad..and happy at the same time. Sad because I miss her, and also because of all the uncertainty now just amplifies the loss..and also happy..for knowing that as tenuous my hold on her life is, I still mean that much to her. The present? A bone pendant engraved with the symbol meaning "whole" or "complete". Two words I always used to describe my life with her. And then there were the pics..oh the pics. Back when Portobello and Shitake were just kittens..we took some black and white shots using her camera. Seems like a lifetime ago. As I leafed through them, I could almost see myself there..back then. And I think that was what threw me over the edge..for awhile. My memory palace has some new additions now.

Sorry folks, didn't mean to get all emotional. I'm still dealing with this new..situation..and I suppose I can only sit and wait for now. But a faint hope still beats in my stubborn little head. The hope that I can one day, complete her again..and she, me.

That's all for today, people. Saturday and Sunday reports soon.


Friday, May 9

A sunny (too sunny, if you ask me) Friday at the office. Have some paperwork to straighten out before I end today with buying my brother's birthday present. Am stuck between buying him a potentially dangerous cap gun (which he wants) or a new Pokemon game for his GBA (which he also wants). Hmm..maybe if I leave the office slightly early I can make it to Sg Wang and get his present. If not, the backup will be MegaMall (which I know is going to over charge me). Still undecided as to the status of the Redang trip looking for someone to bunk with me, and fork over the hundred something bucks necessary for the trip.

In other news, there is no news. Not yet though. Still enjoying the warm buzz after yesterday's interview. Will tell you about it later, maybe. Till then, have a good day, folks!


Thursday, May 8

Hey people..just a short update. Been a tiring day, what with the interview and all. Surprisingly, all that nervousness turned out to be quite unwarranted. It wasn't exactly a breeze..but I think I made a good enough impression to make them all want me to stay at the faculty. At least I think that's what I did. I now have a TON of other work to do, but I think it'll be worth it.

In other news, I got an invite to go to Redang for my birthday. It's gonna cost about three hundred bucks for a twin sharing room. Trouble is, the other people going are all couples..and I hate to be a fifth wheel. The place is nice, romantic...beautiful..and I'll be alone. *Sigh* it sounds tempting..but I don't know if I'm willing to put myself through that. Of lesser importance is the cost. I may have to forsake my GBA..and that's a slightly frightening thought. Oh well.. I guess I'll have to make a decision of my own by this weekend..

So what now? It's 10 pm..and I think I'll have an early night. Maybe a quick peek into the memory house..pull up one of those memories when we used to talk..for hours. They're some of my faves... I have a few of those. I could really use someone to listen right now. I guess I'll take you, blog. Better than nothing.

Good night, folks. May the weekend see you safe. God bless.


Hey people. A couple hours away from my interview and already my soles are sweaty. And my palms. Hopefully it's all going to end quite nervous. Anyway, will not dwell on that since it'll only make me feel worse. Instead, let me tell you about my memory palace.

What is a memory palace? The proper history and definition is here. In my own terms, it's a mental construct which houses certain memories/images that I fear will be lost otherwise. It's nothing fancy, of course nowhere near the league of Cicero and Thomas Aquinas, but it works for me. What does it look like? For now, it's a house. And in every room, there are little bits of me..and the life I used to have. It's still under construction, and some parts are definitely unfinished. But I like it that way.. it's a labour of love..albeit in my head.

So what goes into this palace? As I said, memories. I realised the other day why it was (and still is) so difficult to let go. I was actually happy for those 2 years. It's easier to forget someone/thing when they've generally made your life hell. Unfortunately for me, that wasn't the case. So I decided rather than spend perhaps a whole lifetime trying to forget, I might as well collect everything, organise it, and store it someplace safe, where I can go once in awhile, lose myself..and come back. For now, there are lots of images in frames..still unhung. Little mementos, and thingamajigs..all representative of something else. I think I've even gotten smells down. I have a basket of oranges on the dining table..and as I walk through the construct, planning what else to build, I smell her favourite perfume. On the bed, I can sense the fragrance she used to bring to it. I already know what to put in the box that will go into my bureau: remember the image of me and her reading those letters? I've got a few others like that, although in different situations. One of my favourites is the one with the daughter. They're hopes, dreams, wishes. Call them what you will. And they go into the sanctum sanctorum. If my memory goes (as my family is prone to Alzheimer's) I hope the memory palace will be the last to go. I'll probably be there if it comes, reveling in the moments when life was, for me at least, heaven.

Have a good day, people.


Wednesday, May 7

Well..nearly time to go home now. Am quite apprehensive about tomorrow's interview..just bought a folder to rearrange all my certs/degrees in. Oh, and I stumbled upon Thank God! At least I'll remember how to tie a tie tomorrow..I hope. Sounds like some serious practice is in store for tonight. Now to see if I can make that tie gel with the rest of my wardrobe...

Well..GBA issues aside..I just signed on to be an invigilator in Shah Alam on the 17th. Yeah, it's a Saturday..and it's dab smack in the middle of a very long weekend. Am I crazy? No. Just in dire need of money. Besides, who else will give you almost 300 bucks for 4 hours' work (120 for each exam session, and 50 for travel)??. So Shah Alam, here I come. I'm sure I'll regret it when I sit in the cold exam hall..but the thought of that money...yum!

I hate myself. Hopefully I can get rich so I can hate myself even more. Later, compadres!

La forza che ci dà
[We ask that life be kind]
È il desiderio che
[And watch us from above]
Ognuno trovi amor
[We hope each soul will find]
Intorno e dentro sé
[Another soul to love]

Andrea Bocelli w Celine Dion, The Prayer


Hey peeps. Short update. Got another meeting to go to in a bit. Very gloomy Wednesday..rained incessantly since about 7 am...urk. Excellent weather to sleep in. And oh, I have decided not to get the GBA for myself. 7 cats and not much money equals no GBA. Besides, there's bills to pay..and a car to maintain. Oh well..maybe next year.

Song of the day: Time and Time Again (Counting Crows, August and Everything After)

Later, folks.

So when are you coming home Sweet angel?
You leaving me alone? All alone?
Well if I'm drowning darling, you'll come down this way on your own
I wish I was traveling on a freeway
Beneath this graveyard western sky
I'm gonna set fire to this city
And out into the desert we're gonna ride

Time and Time Again, Counting Crows


Tuesday, May 6

This is so accurate, it shames me. I guess the girls are really gonna start avoiding me now, huh?

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
Stability and dependability characterise Taurus. They like people who can blend and grow with them. If you have a Taurus partner you should appreciate all things bright and beautiful. They have an inherent artistic sense and are fond of colour and music. Judge life with them from a purely materialistic point of view. Enjoy everything luxurious that money can provide. Enjoy good food (better if you can cook to please them) and good drinks with them.

Taurus do not lose their temper easily (in fact you may spend your whole life with them and still no spark) but you should not push your luck too much. Being unreasonable or aggressive with them may get you into trouble... Do not press him/her into a corner, and if you do, be prepared for a violent rage. Taurus is capable of violent outbursts though such an event is is very rare occasions. They can be suffocating when they are possessive about you.


I have also decided that my next big tech buy for the next 2 years will be an Apple Ipod. What is it, you ask? It's a slim, stylish, FUNCTIONAL, absolutely drop dead gorgeous portable MP3 player with a 15 (and soon to be 30)GB hard disk (read 7500++ songs) and firewire for fast transfers. Am I in heaven yet? Not until I get it, that's for sure. Here's what it looks like:

Oh, but a GBA would also do very well. Santa, you listening?

Song of the day: Everyone Says Hi (David Bowie)

Book of the Week: The Boy Who Kicked Pigs (Tim Baker)

If the money is lousy
You can always come home
We can do the old things
We can do all the bad things
If the food gets you leery
You can always call home
We could do all the good things
We could do it, we could do, we could do it

Everyone Says Hi, David Bowie.


Morning folks. After the long, rambling and totally unnecessary posts of yesterday, I think I'll start of the day with something short and..well..not so sweet. Have been thinking of what to get myself for my birthday. Last year it was the ultimate cleaning tool..the famed Black and Decker Scumbuster. God bless my (ex)girlfriend(?) for getting me that. One year later and it's still cool. This year I thought I'd go for something a little more prosaic: A Game Boy Advance SP. Yeah, it folds, it's got a backlight..and it plays sooo many games (insert drool).

So what's a gamer with the cash (but not sure if he should spend it) to do? Do I splurge on it and therefore gain an important travelling companion for all these faculty trips that they insist we take buses to? Or do I get myself a Braun electric shaver? Urgh...decisions, decisions. expecting a very tardy student soon. More later.


Monday, May 5

I just thought this was sooo weird. Have always liked John Cleese though!

Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!

What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Hey..just got back from another in a long series of meetings..urk. Am now using a new version of the Blogger engine called Dano. The reader won't be noticing any changes on the outside of the blog, but trust me, the new interface and engine makes it easier for me to post and also edit updates. Kudos to Blogger and ultimately Google for improving what has already been a great service.

Anyhow, back to the dream. Before that, here's a little backstory which will tie in with the dream sequence. Not many people know this, but I think the blog has a right to know. Way back in 99, which is BTB, I was attached to a Telekom Research facility as part of my degree requirements. Oftentimes, we'd finish up our assignments early and engage in some IRC, which was still a big thing back then. I started talking to this fun chick, and we quickly built up a big email correspondence, since we both liked the same things..and I thought she was cool. Evidently, she thought the same, which was a great big ego boost. Finally I mustered up the strength to ask her where she lived..and imagine my surprise when I found out we were living in the same housing area! Of course, this piqued my interest and I pressed on. The big suprise came after that: turned out she was one half of this babe duo my housemates and I have been peeking at from our house for months. Or should I say, fantasise, every afternoon they'd come roller blading in front of our place..always in shorts and snug tank tops. Gave me quite a buzz to think that one of them actually liked me..heheh.

Well, to make a long story short, I arranged to meet her (jogging) at that, we hit it off big time, and I was, for awhile, in heaven. Things went on quite nicely for awhile..until we found out her mum had already engaged her to this rich friend. Heavy drama ensued, leading me to being banned from ever seeing her again. Of course I snuck out to get her at her college and drive her around. Wouldn't be me otherwise. Finally the mum got really mad, and there was a confrontation of sorts. I was told very unceremoniously to lose my poor student self from her sight. Large amounts of screaming and crying later, I was thrown out of her house. And the wedding was set for 2 weeks after. I was of course, destroyed..but what was I to do against the combined might of two rich families? This may explain why I resent rich people so much sometimes. Anyway, about a week before the wedding, my sleep was interrupted by her crying on the phone. Her fiance had driven her out, parked in a secluded spot and forced himself on her, knowing full well she'd have to marry him even if she told on him.

I was crushed. And she married him, in the end. They have a baby, who's close to 4 years old now. I see her from time to time, as she works near my office. Still as beautiful as ever. But at least she seems happy. She survived..and I respect her for that. Honestly, I've managed to block her from my mind completely these past 2 years..until last night..when I dreamt of her.

Maybe it's my brain recalling how painful it is. Maybe it's my heart recalling how crazy these past few years have been. Or maybe it's my conscience telling me to let go. Whichever it is..I am. The picture I have in my's there..and one day it'll go.


Hey people. Monday morning again. Damn. Just a short post before I head off to another meeting. Had an early night last night..and damn was it good. I dropped off the moment my head touched the pillow and didn't stir until 2 minutes before my alarm was scheduled to go off. Nice sleep. Had some weird dreams, including one about another I thought I'd forgotten and put behind me. Maybe after the meeting if I have time I'll write something on that..if just because it was so..weird. Well, the day looms ahead, people..and I'd better get my shit going. Till later today, folks. Oh, and have to remember to buy my brother's present AND something for my mum. Laters.

p/s: Scientists have just discovered that Einstein was most probably suffering from Asperger's, a form of autism..although with one twist. Uncharacteristic of autistics, he had a very broad and sometimes twisted sense of humour. Makes me like the guy even more.

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)


Sunday, May 4

Sunday evening. It's been one hell of a hot day, with the sun blazing down on us unfortunates as early as 8 am, which sucks. Got up early, went to Kajang to meet with my friends..and just generally hung out. Turned out to be quite alright..which brings me to the conclusion that I can take him in small doses but not for a very long time frame. It was good to see some of them though, since I've been out of touch for the better part of a year or so. It ended up that we couldn't go anywhere since it got so hot..until our hungry stomachs overruled our brains and we decided to get some chow. Got back around 3-ish and was already so drowsy that I dropped off into a deep dreamless nap..which I awoke to the sound of my sister telling me I had a phone call. Hot, disoriented and sweaty, I stumbled to the phone and found my ex on the line (yeah folks, I can say she's my ex without flinching now) telling me about her weekend. Seems like she had fun, I suppose..what with 2 piercings in the same amount of weeks, hair change and also the insane amount of partying she's done. Well, I forget that she's still technically a college student..and therefore must not be denied the gigs, parties and what-have you that come with the job. Damn I feel old. Seems like so long ago when I did some (not piercings) of those things meself.

Anyway..there's a long break coming up starting with my birthday..and Johan's invited me along to his company's retreat in PD. They're renting apartments.. and he's also suddenly keen to introduce me to a number of girls. Which I appreciate, of course. Seems they're a couple from his office he wants to introduce me to. I find it kinda weird, since these girls will be 4-5 years older than I am at least. Not to mention they'll be earning 5 times as much. Quite scary, actually. And another friend gave me the email address of this spanish-mix girl in Kelana. Told me to try my luck. She's been we'll see where this goes. Or doesn't go.

Well I guess that's it for today..there'll be an interview this week so I'd better get my shit together. Yeah..hopefully this will get me the raise I really need. Later folks. Goodnight.


Hey people. It's early Sunday morning..very early. Normally I'd be content to be able to spend a late night and also sleep in. Unfortunately that may not be the case. I just got a call today from an old friend who now lives and works quite near to my parents. Which is fine. What is not fine is the fact that I also have to see another character which I have no intention of seeing..another "friend" who used to be a roomate of mine. He can be a bit irritating (well obviously that's an understatement) and also likes to think he can run people's lives by being grouchy and glaring at people. At one time, I let his tantrums slide. Well..I guess tomorrow I'll finally see if I really have changed..which I think I have. I'm fine with all my other friends..just him. Mr Know-it-all always right. Wish me luck, people.

Oh..also an update on the kittens. They can now climb out of their box and roam around. I managed to snap some incredibly cute (to me at least) pictures and will probably post them on ofoto. Till tomorrow night, take care, people. Have some sleeping to do.


Friday, May 2

Fuck. Was halfway through my post for today (which was a long one) when suddenly everything went blank without me being able to save it. Fuck. It was supposed to be a funny post for once. Oh hell..maybe I'll get back to it later. In the meantime, here's a random quote:

All our young lives we search for someone to love.
Someone who makes us complete.
We choose partners and change partners.
We dance to a song of heartbreak
And hope all of the while,
That somewhere, somehow,
There is someone perfect
who might be searching for us.

The Wonder Years, TV show


By the time this post gets online, it'll probably be Friday already. *Yawn* Almost midnight..and I can't sleep again. Tired debating whether I should travel back or not this weekend. On the one hand, it can be good to see my family again. On the other...a weekend with friends also sounds nice..ah..decisions decisions! Oh well..I think I'll sleep on it first. Things have a habit of getting clearer after some rest.

On another note, still can't bring myself to delete the old Yahoo chat logs..*sigh*. G'nite, world. Sleep tight.


Thursday, May 1

Hey again, blog. It's almost 4 pm on Labor Day and I'm enjoying every bit of it..except the fact that the pet shop guy has yet to deliver next week's supply of cat food. Of course, normally this would piss me off, but since I'm in such a good mood today (tomorrow being Friday helps!) I think I'll let him go. It still won't stop me from calling him up every hour and harassing him though...

Just finished watching Red Dragon. I never had the pleasure of watching the first version (Manhunter with my favourite criminalist, William Petersen/Gil Grissom) but I heard that it's a not too bad take on the first novel in the Hannibal Lecter saga. Of course, having Edward Norton try and fill Petersen's shoes also proved to be a drawing factor. Personally I've always identified with Lecter, being that like him, I choose to exist outside of whatever passes for the usual and be..different. He revels in his strangeness and more importantly, his intelligence. Unlike Christian Bale in American Psycho, Sir Hopkin's Lecter never loses his calm..and is the consummate gentleman. If not for the fact that he eats people, I'd put him high on my idol list. Ralph Fiennes, Emily Watson and Harvey Keitel (!) round out what for me is an excellent time filler. No Oscars for this one, but it oozes thrills in spades. Nuff said, I think. Now if I can just scrounge up enough to buy all the DVDs...

Tonight, it's more reading for moi as I try and decipher the arcane secrets of budget management for university functions. I suppose I'll have to do it sooner or later..and I prefer sooner. Ah well..time for a short shower. Weather's humid as hell..and I don't like being sticky. Till the next post, take care people!